Back to December
by BikerChick101
Summary: Songfic; Serena and Nate reconnect at Chuck and Blair's wedding NJBC oneshot NS and CB


**Ok this story is again about Nate and Serena, yeah i'm a majorly huge fan lol and since the show is soooo disappointing I have to fanfiction my thoughts...**

**Story title and lyrics all belong to Taylor Swift, I listened to this song and thought NS immediatly so this is what I eventually came up with, I edited alot which is why its only coming up now**

**This kinda takes everything that happened until the finale of season three, twists the NS ending a little and continues from there, no season four drama**

**Anywho please enjoy, Gossip Girl and the lyrics (all in italics) do not belong to me as much as I can dream that they do hehe**

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_I'm so glad you made time to see me, how's life tell me how's your family I haven't seen them in a while, you've been good busier than ever, we small talk work and the weather, your guard is up and I know why_

The first time she see's Nate after she leaves is at the first of the many Blair and Chuck wedding emergencies, as Maid of Honour and Best Man they would be working together a lot to ensure that their best friends big day went as perfectly as possible. A few days before the wedding they get a chance to breathe so he takes her out to coffee, it's the least he can do, after all they haven't spoken properly in three years.

They slip into being friends easily talking about family and work but she can tell he's being guarded around her, trying not to get to personal, always diverting the conversation when the topic got to close to their relationship. In the past three years they avoided each other, after they broke up she and Blair went to Paris, Blair returned to attend Columbia and Serena studied abroad, when she finally transferred to Columbia to face her demons, he had packed up and gone sailing, he didn't even stop by when he returned to the city and his grandfather flew him to wherever he was to continue grooming him as the van der Bilt heir.

Chuck and Blair fought each other, declared war, almost destroyed each other and finally made their way back to each other, through a lot of hate sex, a public take down and ways that neither Serena nor Nate could ever try to understand which is what led them to the wedding if the millennium, both never lost contact with the brunettes but never contacted each other. Blair and Chuck tried to get the four of them together for holidays but the blonds always managed to find something a little more urgent to do, leaving Blair and Chuck to figure out how two people who didn't speak managed make it for an event or get together that the other couldn't.

_Because the last time you saw me still burns in the back of your mind, you gave me roses and left them there to die_

The last time they saw each other was three Decembers ago, the day before she left for Paris, he came to her, roses in hand and begged her to stay, told her his sorry for all he'd done, calling the police on her father and not being the person on her side and he forgives her for anything that may have happened with Dan.

She was Serena van der Woodsen, he knew what he was doing might scare her but he wasn't known for his intelligence, he just loved her. He took the biggest risk and got own on one knee, said everything she ever wanted to hear but as much as she wanted to she couldn't say yes, she needed to go, to find herself, she needed to take a break from it, from him, she just didn't realise that the proposal meant more to him then just a way to get her to stay and work through their problems, didn't realize he was serious about her losing him, she assumed he'd wait for her like he always managed to do. She didn't realise she lost him as soon as she walked away.

Sitting with him in the coffee shop laughing about Blair and Chuck getting married, she can't believe she walked away from him, from them. Just because she got her freedom, her break, doesn't mean she didn't miss him every second of every tortured day in the past three years that she hadn't seen him. She keeps wishing she could go back and change what had happened, changed her decision because she realised her mistake the second she made it but by then it was a second too late she couldn't back out, couldn't change it, like so many mistakes made with him before she left. She couldn't help that she still loved him.

_These days I haven't been sleeping, staying up playing back myself leaving, when your birthday passed and I didn't call, then I think about summer all the beautiful times, I watched you laughing from the passenger side and realised I loved you in the fall_

"Nate problems" Blair asks when she flops down on Serena's bed at 2am the day of the wedding, she's too nervous to sleep, Serena looks up at her best friend and smiles sadly. She and Blair were as close as sisters could be without actually sharing blood and once upon a time they broke every sisterly bond they shared because of the one boy they both loved, the boy Serena still loves.

She keeps thinking she shouldn't have left, if she didn't then imagine how good they'd be, she can't help but think that they may even have been married already, they may have had a baby, blond hair, blue eyes, perfect little angel that Blair and Chuck would be the godparents to. Blair hugs her tight and Serena knows she understands. They put 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' on and fall asleep half way through the movie.

Serena thinks back to his birthday, she wanted to call or send him a message but she was terrified he hated her. She was sure he saw all the Gossip Girl blasts of her with Carter or Dan or other random guys who came to try taming her but there was only one person she needed to come after her and he was no longer interested. She made sure nothing happened with those guys, she just couldn't move on, couldn't stop feeling guilty.

Summer was always their season, she always felt like she loved him more than she could handle then, he was everything she could ever need or want. They had so many memories that she never wanted to forget, things that she and Blair laughed about while doing their hair and makeup. Remembering old times and calming Blair down before her big moment, all the laughs, the tears, the scheming, the four of them piled up onto one bed when the random cold day messed up their beach plans.

Then there were those few private memories of just Nate taking Serena where she wanted to go and she'd do or say something to make him laugh, then he would look at her with his Nate smile and she would stop breathing and feel her cheeks heat up. The summer before she left for boarding school the summer everything changed when she realised she was in love with Nate Archibald not only in the summer but every season of every year and she could not under any circumstances have him because he was Blair's boyfriend.

_And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind, you gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye_

That summer she left him for the first time, he gave her his virginity and she left him at a wedding reception shirtless and confused when she ran away, she couldn't handle betraying Blair. Her life could not be more of a soap opera if she tried to make it one. The fear of being caught, of her betrayal, everything came back to her when she told him she loved him but needed her space three years ago.

Blair saw right through her 'everything's perfect sunshine' smile and unfortunately so did her step brother when she went to check if he was ready before she went to take her place at the alter, he just had to mention 'Nathaniel's' name before his signature Chuck Bass smirk appeared on his face and he told her not to deny it he already knows. Chuck told her simply that she destroyed him when she walked away but he's Nate and she's Serena, if he and Blair could make it then so could she and Nate. "Maybe it's time you bared your heart to him," he suggested as he hugged her.

_I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right, how you held me in your arms that September night the first time you ever saw me cry. _

Blair and Chucks wedding went as smoothly as it possibly could, both Serena and Nate were on their phones until Blair and Harold walked down the isle just to make sure no-body messed anything up. Blair looked, as she always wanted to, like a princess. She was glowing, she could not have looked more gorgeous. When the priest finally said 'you may kiss the bride' they were officially Mr and Mrs Charles Bass, Serena screamed and Nate whistled loudly, she caught his eye and smiled before they grabbed Chuck and Blair pulling them into a huge hug, the four of them stood there for a moment just holding each other with smiles, their best friends got their happily ever after they needed that. They both came alone, figured they would be too busy making their Chuck and Blair's day as perfect as possible to have dates. Dan and Jenny were there, as a request from Lily to try to get everybody to get along, Blair agreed because she knew Chuck would only be happy when his mother was happy.

Three years had not changed much as Blair had noted, Jenny was still looking at Nate longingly and Dan was talking to Serena, while she and Chuck watched the scene in front of them they decided the only thing that would make their day any more perfect was if their best friends were as happy as they were. While talking to Dan, Serena kept stealing looks at Nate, he was talking to her mother and Rufus flashing them sweet smiles and making them laugh. She turned away when Jenny got too close, there was only so much she could handle. She missed him, his private smiles, the way her fingers felt in his hair, the taste of his skin, his deep blue eyes and especially how right everything felt with him and how he never let her down when she needed him no matter how badly she screwed up.

The Best Man and Maid of Honour had to speak on the bride and the groom, Nate's speech made the crowd laugh at all the memories they shared growing up and being the friends they were, standing up for each other and causing as many problems as they solved, while Serena's speech made many of them cry, she and Blair had tears rolling down their cheeks as she recalled their emotional struggles as friends and couples, how a lot of the time all they had was each other, how they were each others family, when they were together it was the only time they were safe and finally reaching where they were today. They both wished their friends well and promised they would always be around. Half way through their first dance Blair turned and beckoned their best friends to join them on the dance floor, Nate being the gentlemen that he was put his arm out and smiled sweetly as Serena took it and led her onto the dance floor.

As Nate put his arms around her she was transported back to the Hamptons when they were thirteen years old, her mother left to be with her new husband so she and Erik packed up and went to stay with their grandmother and she missed her dad, it was late at night when she walked onto the beach and sat down on the sand watching the waves and crying softly, he didn't know she was crying and came up from behind her tackling her, when he saw her face his expression changed and she knew she scared him so she wiped her tears and smiled up at him getting ready to jump up and throw sand in his face but before she could react he wrapped his arms around her and told her it's ok to cry if she wanted to, it was the first and last time he saw her cry as much as she did, he held her and promised he would be there and everything will be ok while she let it all out. She put her head on Nate's shoulder as they swayed to the music, Blair caught her eye and winked just before Chuck spun her around.

_Maybe its just wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming but if we loved again I swear I'd love you right, I'd go back in time and change it but I can't so if the chain is on your door I understand_

Serena looked up into Nate's eyes and got lost in the deep blue as she'd been doing since they met. She wishes she could go back to and correct her mistakes, but if he could give her a second chance she swears she will love him right. The mistakes she made in the past have weighed heavily on her and he's the only one she wants, the only one she needs. Its up to him now, she'll wait but if he cant be with her again or trust her then she will understand, she just needs him to know she loves him and she never stopped.

_So this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night, and I go back to December all the time, turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you wishing I'd realise what I had when you were mine and I go back to December turn around and make it all right, I go back to December turn around and change my own mind, I go back to December all the time._

She closes her eye's and takes a deep breath, praying that he doesn't walk away from her. When she looks into his questioning eye's she thinks back to her conversation with Chuck and pours her heart out to him, she loves him, always had. She needs him more than anything or anyone and she wants them to have what Blair and Chuck have, she wants to be his wife, wants to have his kids, she wants to grow old with him, wants to sit on the porch in her old age with him right next to her, she wants a house full of grandkids, a huge family they never had, a proper family. She can't help but want the clichéd things, the simple things and he's the only person she could ever think of sharing this dream with.

He looks at her shocked and she realises the music has ended when Blair and Chuck are next to them exchanging worried looks as the blonds stood silently. Serena turned around and quickly moved away from the dancefloor with Chuck close behind her, Blair stood by Nate and he just looked at her and shrugged, 'Dance with me', she whispered and he automatically stepped forward and put his hands on her waist. 'If Chuck and I can work it out, so can you,' she smiled her arms tightening around his neck to pull him into a hug, he looked at her and smiled back his blue eyes thanking her as she leads him of the dance floor to where her husband and best friend are.

There are so many things he wants to say to her so many questions he wants to ask her, she hurt him and he wants her to feel as hurt as he was, but he loves her too much to see her in any pain. She looks up at him her eyes full of hope, she's nervously biting her lip as she waits for him to break the silence Blair and Chuck left them in, he takes a step closer and she holds her breath.

She wants to make things right she wants to be with him and only him, no-one else can love her the way he has, she doesn't want anyone else to love him but her. They could've had so much time together, such a perfect life if she hadn't left him, in many ways she thinks she's loved him longer than he has her. She can't help feeling anxious and the slightest bit of hope as he stands in front of her looing into her eyes.

Nate reaches down and smooths the hair out of her face telling her that he wants everything she wants but he's scared, when she left it killed him and he never wants to feel like that ever again. She promises him that she's ready and she knows he's the one, she won't leave. She watches as his lips curl painfully slowly into a smile and he pulls her in for a kiss that they both waited what feels like a lifetime for.

He breaks the kiss and looks at her beaming face, 'we have to send the bride and groom of,' he whispers taking her hand. 'Thank you,' she said, tears in her eyes. He shook his head 'not here' and ran his finger across her face. They re-enter the reception area smiling hand in hand, Chuck and Blair meet them halfway with smug smiles on their faces as well.

They said their goodbyes to the newly weds who were flying to Paris to enjoy their honeymoon, the four of them together saying goodbye, Blair and Serena cried while holding onto each other and Chuck and Nate shook hands before dragging their girls away from each other, laughing about their umbilical chord having to be cut for this trip to work out, for the first time in a long time all four knew they were going to be perfectly fine. Serena was finally in the arms of the only man that could ever make her feel safe, loved, excited and blissfully happy.

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**Please please please review and tell me what you think! Oh and Merry (early) Christmas! Hope everyone has a great festive season (^^,)**


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